Fear or Respect

Day 22 – Job 28

Job 28:28 “And he said to the human race, “The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.”

Why is it that so many are afraid to ”fear” the Lord?  Not afraid because of God, but because of others.  Why is it norm to deny God rather than openly love and fear Him?  If it is wise to fear Him, why don’t more people?  In today’s society most of us have grown to believe that we should fear nothing.  When did fear become so horrible?  Especially fear of God.  A power so strong He could wipe us all out.  Shoot, that is someone to fear!  However, I am starting to wonder if the fear should be more of a respect.  For example, when we are children we do or don’t do things because of fear of punishment from our parents.  As we grew it became more knowing and understanding right from wrong.  As we reached “adulthood” our decisions, becoming more intense, we’re not only driven by right versus wrong, but I truly believe also out of respect for our parents.  I no longer fear my parents, but still keep them in mind out of respect.  Some decisions I make are a reflection of who I am, and therefore a reflection of them.  As it is this way with parents, I believe it is the same with God.  I don’t believe I will ever NOT fear God, but I believe Christians do a lot of our decision making based off of a respect for such an awesome power.

When the Sun Goes Down

Day 21 – Job 24-27

Job 24:13-17 “There are those who rebel against the light, who do not know its ways or stay in its paths. When daylight is gone, the murderer rises up, kills the poor and needy, and in the night steals forth like a thief. The eye of the adulterer watches for dusk; he thinks, ‘No eye will see me,’ and he keeps his face concealed. In the dark, thieves break into houses, but by day they shut themselves in; they want nothing to do with the light.  For all of them, midnight is their morning; they make friends with the terrors of darkness.”

These verses make me think of the saying “nothing good happens after midnight”.  I don’t know who the first person was to say that to me and I have some of my own versions.  “Nothing good happens after the bars close”, etc.  But if we think about these verses and then look at how our society is now, they are still very relevant and not just to the extremes.  I am guilty of doing things after dark that I would be less likely to do during the daylight.  Not necessarily bad things, but for example getting drunk and allowing a man who is unknown to me dance inappropriately with me.  That situation is not uncommon for a lot of single 20 something females.  Now there may be some people thinking “I do that during the day light” and I am sure it happens, but is the bar/club lit?  My guess is, it is not.  The mood inside the bar/club is that of night.  Lights off, only dimly lit.  This is because people are more free with the lights off.  I have never seen a dance floor with every single light on full.  Shoot, even at wedding receptions the lights are dimmed for the dance.  I am fully aware that not all sin happens after dark and that not all Christians behave differently after dark.  I, myself, have already made that change in my life.  Not only do I just not go out as much, I do my best to act as a lady no matter what time of day it is.

Do you behave differently when the sun goes down?

Justify This

Day 20 – Job 20-23 (9/7/10)

Job 21:22 “Can anyone teach knowledge to God, since he judges even the highest?”

I believe this to be one of the first ever rhetorical questions.  Anyone who believes now or believed then knows the answer, so no answer is really needed.  The question is just thrown out there.  At any rate, how many times do we humans try to tell God about how it is or what should be?  While we believe ourselves to be all knowing only one is.  He is.  We are taught that and shown that but we still try to tell Him and teach Him about things.  I believe any time I have tried to tell God about the way things are, it was about justifying something I had either done, said, or thought which was not in good standing with Him.  Man, we can justify anything can’t we.  Anything from making fun of someone to the extreme of murder.  We hear murderers justifying their actions all the way to their prison cell and beyond.  Why do we do that?  I would say on average, I am justifying my actions regularly.  Not with God necessarily, but with friends, sometimes family.  Not bad actions, just day to day actions.  Why do we do this?  Why do we demand justification from others?  Why is it our business?  I challenge myself to not believe I am needing of justification from others and let God do His job.

You? A Bible Reader?

Day 19 – Job 15-19

In these four chapters I didn’t find anything that “spoke” to me.  It is possible that nothing did because I am a little distracted, so I am going to write about what is distracting me.  I was telling a friend of mine the other day about the day I was having and I mentioned reading the Bible.  She looks at me and says “I didn’t know you were a Bible reader”.  I said “Well I don’t put it on my resume, but yeah.”  She chuckled and quickly changed the subject.  For some reason I have been thinking about these two statements a lot.  If she is my friend shouldn’t she know how I spend my time? And I guess that isn’t even the point.  I don’t tell people in passing conversation that I read the Bible and we had first met at work so it had never come up before, but the assumption that I don’t read the Bible is what I believe has got me bewildered.  So I have been thinking about what it is that I do or say which has people assuming I am not Bible reading material.  Yes, I curse, but I have heard pastors curse.  So being a developer and cursing equals not Bible reading material?  I am a kind person who works hard and won’t let anyone walk on me at work, so because I don’t allow people to take advantage of me means I can’t possibly read the Bible?  Being stubborn as an ox, does that make me someone who wouldn’t read the Bible?  I am very perplexed by this.  For the last 8 years I have stopped wearing my beliefs on my sleeve and believe it is a good thing.  But now I am perceived by people who are my friends to not be someone who reads the Bible.  Okay for the last eight years I have mostly lived a life of a non Bible reader, but these folks met me in the last couple years.  Met me in a time of change for my life.  Is it because I go to clubs and drink and dance?  Because I know that a lot of the folks they run into at bars on Saturday either went to church before or will go Sunday morning.  Why is it that so many people perceive Bible reading Christians to be boring, non social individuals?  And why is it that those who don’t read the Bible and are my friends assume I don’t?  Is it something I need to do differently or is it them?

God's Ying/Yang Power

Day 18 – Job 12-14

Job 12:13-25 “To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his. What he tears down cannot be rebuilt; those he imprisons cannot be released. If he holds back the waters, there is drought; if he lets them loose, they devastate the land. To him belong strength and insight; both deceived and deceiver are his. He leads rulers away stripped and makes fools of judges. He takes off the shackles put on by kings and ties a loincloth^[a] around their waist. He leads priests away stripped and overthrows officials long established. He silences the lips of trusted advisers and takes away the discernment of elders. He pours contempt on nobles and disarms the mighty. He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings utter darkness into the light. He makes nations great, and destroys them; he enlarges nations, and disperses them. He deprives the leaders of the earth of their reason; he makes them wander in a trackless waste. They grope in darkness with no light; he makes them stagger like drunkards.”

In these verses, God’s power is spelled out in a sort of ying/yang way.  Explaining all the things God can give and all the things God can take away.  Job is making sure we understand that God works the full range of the spectrum.  As I mentioned a couple days ago.  I think we forget that God will give us “tests” as He did Job, and why shouldn’t He.  No one ever told me in Sunday School that being a Christian was to be easy.  However, I will say the focus was on how much good God does and it seems to me the only tests we are told about are those Satan gives.  I don’t recall talking about God’s tests.  I will admit that it has been some time ago, but as I think back conversations of God’s tests didn’t start until confirmation days.  I wonder why that is.  Or did we talk about it, but all I can remember is the good.  We talked about the flood but focused on Noah, not why God destroyed the Earth and everything on it.  Shouldn’t we learn that it is important to both love and fear God?  He is the strongest power.  These verses are a good reminder of how quickly and easily it would be for God to take away anything I have or He could just as easily double it.

Wit or Wise

Day 17 – Job 8-11

Job 11:12 “But the witless can no more become wise than a wild donkey’s colt can be born human.”

I think I just like this verse.  Didn’t really read anything that compelled me to write.  But if I think about this verse, the more I think there is some truth to it (but of course, it’s the Bible).  I do not know a single wise witless person.  However, is it their lack of wit that makes them unwise?  Only reason I pose the question is because I also know some witty unwise people.  But the verse says “become wise”, so witty unwise people could BE wise, but un witty people cannot.  Glad I was given the gift of wit!  I may not be the wisest person, but at least I have hope!!! J

Do you envy?

Day 16 – Job 5-7

Job 5:2 “Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.”

Are you like me and find yourself falling into the role of a fool and/or simple person?  Your heart occupying resentment and envy?  Man, these are two things that so easily creep up on us!  Why is it that so often we are not happy with what we have or have accomplished?  Why do we tend to look at others and desire their belongings or accomplishments?  Sometimes I think we can lose opportunities when we are looking at someone else’s’ life.  Opportunities that give us a chance to have our own accomplishments.  We are too busy wanting what others have that we don’t take care or appreciate what we do have.  It is foolish and simple to have resentment and envy in our hearts, but so hard to avoid.  Shoot, everyday I think “I wish I had…” or “If only I had…” or “I want to do…”  And to change that might just be one of the biggest challenges to myself, but I am going to give it a shot!  Start thinking “I am so lucky to have…” or “I’m glad I did…” or “I am happy to be able to…”  And what about the other end of resentment and envy?  Why is it we want to be the object of resentment and envy? “I will be the envy of…”  Why is it we strive for that?  Should that really be the goal?  It seems to motivate so many of us, but why?  I am not sure that is any better than being envious.  Shouldn’t we just want to do us and live the life we are given?  Who are we trying so hard to impress?  Why do we even care so much?  God is the judge and He isn’t going to be envious.

Resentment and envy free… my new model… I hope!

An Unexpected Weekend for My Soul

This weekend I came to Des Moines to spend Friday night with my sister and her husband.  My sister and I then went the most fun Cyclone football game.  I was originally going to go up to Minnesota to see Anthony, but because of an unfortunate death in his family I did not.  So, I got to spend the evening with my sister.  This morning I got up and went to church with my sister and Jon.  It has been an awesome weekend and I have gotten a lot of eye opening things happen.  So this blog doesn't tie to a anything specific I have read from the Bible, but I am still feeling pulled to write about it.

Friday, I arrived at my sister's place and was able to participate in their Harvest party.  The folks attending were young married couples.  They carved pumpkins for fun prizes.  Had fellowship with others in the same stage of their lives.  They also played some fun, light hearted games.  Although I was the "odd" one out, I was welcomed into this party, the fellowship, and the games.  I cannot remember the last time I had so much fun!!!  It was just what I needed.  It was child's play at an adult level.  We had fun and at least one lady learned something about her husband she didn't know before. :) I was able to be myself without reservation and I had just met most of these people that night.  It is amazing to me that when you surround yourself with the correct people how much you are allowed to be yourself and have fun!  I thank these young people for being so wonderful and helping me see what real adult fellowship can be.  Maybe I can be at this party every year?!?!

Saturday, Tiffany and I got up early for a Saturday and went to a local French bakery to get breakfast.  After we all ate and ran some errands we began to get ready for the ISU game and family tailgating.  As we were walking to get into the car I realized that I had left the tickets to the game in Omaha!  I was SO frustrated with myself, but sister to the rescue.  She called daddy and we got the number to the ISU ticket office from mom and I was able to get in touch with someone who said they could reprint the tickets... whew!!!  Tiffany and I got to Ames, met mom and dad and drove into the stadium.  We enjoyed some time together and saw a few friends in the parking lot and then packed up to go into the stadium.  Tiffany and I got to our seats and we were so glad the seats were as good as we thought they would be.  2nd level and right on the 50 yard line!!!  The game was so much fun!!!  The NE player wanted the ball more in the last play of the game for the win, but it was still a VERY exciting game and the type of performance during the game that makes us Cyclone fans, fans!!!  Many wonder if the fake PAT was the right move and I think it showed true belief in the players by the coach and belief in their teammates by the team.  Since the game was in OT it was the best time to go for 2 points because NO ONE in that stadium expected it.  It was a good play, the NE player just wanted it more.  Even though we lost, I still won my Starbucks bet with boss! :) The game was fun and I am still PROUD to be a Cyclone!!! :)  This team has helped me to see what it is to have 100% trust and faith in those who are suppose to support and guide you.  The Cyclone football team also shows us what a group of people can accomplish when they have a common goal and truly work as a team.

Sunday morning I went to church with Tiffany and Jon.  It was nice to see all the chairs full! :)  Jon didn't preach this morning, Paster Molly did and I enjoyed hearing her preach (not that I don't enjoy Jon's sermons).  I have had quite a few things on my mind lately as I am trying to change my life and Molly's sermon spoke directly to it.  There were things she said that put some of my struggles into perspective.  As most who know me, understand that at one point in time my life was lived for Christ and anyone who knew me or talked to me knew this because I wore my beliefs on my sleeve.  A reaction to an event in my life about 8 years ago lead me away from this life.  I lived for me.  My priorities were different.  I got away from everything that I knew and entered a life of what I thought was a life of love and fun.  It wasn't until the last 6-8 months that I realized I was not truly happy and what I thought was love was empty.  So as I move to this new life where I am trying to become equal with the important things (mind, body, & spirit) I am beginning to realize that I may lose some of my friends with this change.  I do not want to lose these friends, but everything inside me is telling me that I will lose some of the friends I currently have.  Although, this shouldn't keep me from changing because it is a positive change and if my friends can't accept me for who I am they really are not my friends, it is a worry for me.  Molly's sermon today put this worry into perspective for me.  She spoke of people who are becoming Christians and embracing the love of Christ and the life of Christ with open arms even though they could face possible death because of this choice.  Here I am struggling with the possibility of losing people in my life who may not support me, but will not lose my life.  I thank Molly for her sermon today because I am now going to continue with my change and those who cannot support this positiveness in my life will not be able to also enjoy the love of Christ in fellowship with me!  I love my friends, but I need to put Christ first!

I challenge all those who have slowed or been struggling with changing their lives to live for Christ because of people in their lives, to really think about who you are holding out on Christ for.  Are they really worth eternal life with Christ?

Evil Weeds

Day 15 - Job 2:11-4:21

Job 4:8 “As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.”

Doesn't this seem like common sense?  It also sounds like karma a little.  "What goes around, comes around."  "Reap what you sow."  Using a farm reference makes sense for the Bible.  Back then people lived off the land and understood the plow and sow concept.  The before mentioned sayings are used today, but I wonder what reference the verse would have if it had been written today, hmm....  It would have to have something to do with texting and Facebook no doubt!  Seriously though, was there ever a time in your life where there was evil, even the slightest bit, in your heart?  How well did that work out for you?  I remember a time in my life where just a seed of evil had been planted in my life.  For me this evil was like the weeds people hate to have in their yards because it doesn't take much to keep it alive and it spreads like wild fire taking over everything.  This evil took over my life.  I didn't know how to control it.  I became a hateful person, a judgmental person, selfish, and because of it an unhappy person.  In this situation, God had to be my weed killer first to remove the evil and then the Miracle Grow to make me a better and stronger person because I know longer had the evil keeping me down.  If we are not careful, even the smallest seed of evil will grow into a big weed that will suffocate all the beautiful and strong things we are as Christians.  I challenge myself daily to ensure I keep the weeds out of my life and out of my heart.  It is not always the easiest thing to do, but I know it is the best.

What do you think the saying for the texting and Facebook generation should be?

Good, Never Challenge

Day 14 - Job 1:16-2:10

Job 2:10 “He replied, ‘You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not
trouble?’ In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.”

Sometimes we believe that the only way God provides to us is through good.  Isn't there a saying "God won't give us more than we can handle"?  Why would that saying even be around if we only got good from God.  Job is really sick because God is testing his dedication to Him to prove to Satan Job's belief in Him and more importantly Job's unwillingness to curse God.  God tests people all the time, but back then people knew it as such and would handle it as a test from God.  However today we hit a rough patch and instead of asking for God's guidance and help through it, the majority of us blame Him and curse His name and so on.  I wonder why our attitudes towards His tests for us have changed over the years.  I wonder who the first person was to curse God because of a test.  Is it just because it is easy to blame and curse Him?  Is it because we believe He won't "get all in our face" like someone might if we blamed and cursed them out?  I am challenging myself to recognize challenges in my life as tests from God and pray for His guidance during these times rather than look to blame someone.  More than likely, the challenge will be there because of something I had done.

Apology

Sorry, I am way behind with posting my journal entries.  Hope to get some posted this week!

Intended Harm

Day 13 - Genesis 50:15-26 & Job 1:1-15


Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Joseph, through God’s grace, was able to see past the evil in his brothers’ hearts when they sold him to the Egyptians and see the good God made happen.  This is a hard thing to do and only with God’s help are we able to do this.  When evil things happen to us, it is hard to know why or see any possible good being able to come from it.  However, with God and time positive things can happen from the negative.  When I was in college, something I held very dear to my heart was taken from my body.  This evil event took a toll on me and I did not handle it with the best decisions or with God.  I stepped away from every root and belief I had and blamed God.  It took many bad decisions and lots of time for me to realize that God was still working on my heart and doing all He could and I would allow to turn this negative into a positive.  He used many people in my life and many signs.  Finally, I was AWAKEN and I was able to see the positive from the negative.  It was only when I looked through God’s eyes I saw all the positive in myself that may not have been there without the negative.  I do not believe God made the negative happen, but I believe God made the negative into a positive.  A very important distinction!  What positives have come from negatives in your life?  Look closely with the eyes of God, you will see it!

Mourning Now v Mourning Then

Day 12 - Genesis 47-50:14


Genesis 50:3 “…And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days.”

When Jacob died the family and Egyptians mourned for 70 days.  Now I am not certain if that was standard back then or not, but it seemed expected and okay.  Today if someone were to openly mourn for 70 days it would be “weird”.  The mourner would be advised to “see” someone about it.  Our places of work would surely frown at it.  Where I work, we don’t even get bereavement days.  Our PTO is suppose to cover deaths.  Personally, I feel that is bull honky, but that is the accepted standard.  Why are we expected to get over a major loss in a day or two?  I don’t think a day or two is reasonable, however, I do feel there comes a point in time where looking at what has happened in the past should stop and forward movement should continue.  When my grandpa died a few years ago, I thought I would never stop hurting, that my tear ducts would never dry, that I would never be happy doing the things I used to do with him.  Well, that lasted for about a week or two then grandpa appeared in a dream, he was as I remember him as a child.  Active, healthy, black rimmed glasses, work pants, and white shirt.  He was happy, smiling, without diabetes and pain.  He looked at me and said, “remember your smile is sunshine!”  Something he use to say to me when I was a little girl before I would throw a tantrum or cry.  I knew then that grandpa didn’t want me to cry for him anymore and I began to look forward.  Now jump ahead about eleven months and grandpa came back to us.  Let me explain.  Grandpa donated his body to the University of Iowa, so the day after he died he was taken to Iowa City to the university.  Side note:  we saw grandpa the day he died and because the funeral home wasn’t expecting us, he didn’t have make up on or wasn’t “done up”.  He was the least scary most real looking dead man I have ever seen.  If he had his glasses on, he would have looked like he was napping.  They put WAY too much make up on dead people.  So when the university was done with grandpa, he was cremated and sent back to grandma.  Just after I had truly begun to look forward and be at peace with grandpa not being on Earth anymore, it was like he died all over again.  Although I will never forget that day, two things stand out in my mind that helped me get through it all.  Grandma announced before we left the house to put the ashes in the ground “All I have to say is, he is not in there (pointing to the urn).  He has been wherever he is going to be since last December.”  The other moment was when my family was leaving the cemetery and I remember looking back at my sister.  It was like we knew what each other were thinking and we both mouthed “I love you”.  We love and miss you grandpa!

The Family Tree

Day 11 - Genesis 44-46


Genesis 46:8-25 “These are the names of the sons of Israel (Jacob and his descendants) who went to Egypt: …”

Throughout Genesis we have read the “family trees” of each male from Adam to Jacob.  Why don’t we all take as much pride in our family trees?  Why don’t we document it all for those to come after us?  Back then, they not only documented the whos, but they documented the wheres.  I mean it is great that we know our immediate relatives and sometimes two or three branches out, but what about beyond that?  Have we become so focused on ourselves and those surrounding us that we don’t think to ask?  Are we so busy look towards our own futures and where we are going that we don’t want to find out where we came from?  I think next time I am with family I might ask a few questions, maybe start a family tree project sometime soon.

Men and Crying

Day 10 - Genesis 42-43


Genesis 43:30 “Deeply moved at the sight of his brother, Joseph hurried out and looked for a place to weep. He went into his private room and wept there.”

So Joseph wept.  A man…wept!  Why is it today so many feel that a man is not a man if he shows such emotion?  Now in this verse Joseph left the room, but it was more because his brothers didn’t know it was him, than because he was embarrassed.  So why was it okay for a man to show emotion and cry way back when, but today men are practically shunned if they cry.  What happened over the years?  When was the first man made to feel less of a man because he shed a tear?  As a woman, I do not understand this.  First, we women cry because of a Hallmark commercial, but that aside most women I know prefer a man unafraid to show emotion then a man who hides it all away.  Why do men say to their sons “be a man, stop crying” when they are boys and they are hurting (physically or emotionally).  I challenge any man reading this to embrace your emotions.  Don’t feel less of a man because of your emotions.  Tears do not make you less of a man; they make you a stronger man.

Dream Interpretations

Day 9 - Genesis 37-41 & 1 Chronicles 2:3-6 & 8

In this reading, there isn't really a verse or chapter that I am gong to highlight, but rather a couple.  Joseph interprets three dreams in this reading as God's "voice".  Joseph's interpretations were exactly right and he said it was God's interpretations.  This got me to thinking about dreams.  There are a bunch of dream interpretation books out there, people documenting what certain aspects of dreams mean.  A bunch of speculation, to me.  There are also those who say it is just your subconscious coming to life.  A place for your deep desires, fears, and so on to be showcased.  Some say they are memories.  Some even say they are predictions of the future.  But what if they were all wrong?  What if it was still a way of God communicating with us.  For many years God came to people in their dreams, what if He still is?  After I write that I think about some of the dreams that I have had and I am pretty sure God wasn't there.  But what if He was, what if the dream was just a way to get my attention?  To draw me towards someone or something.  To plant an idea in my head for later use.  Speaking of which, I saw "Inception" last night, what if God was doing the inception?  Maybe He is.  There are many times where my dreams have become reality and because I felt I knew what would happen with each decision made I was able to decide correctly and positive things happened.  So is it really that big of a stretch to think that dreams are still a way of God to communicate with us? I know the next time I have a dream I will be wondering, what He may have wanted me to get from it.

Women Creatures

Day 8 - Genesis 34-36 & 1 Chronicles 1:28-2:2 (8/26/10)

Genesis 24

So tonight I picked this chapter because all through Genesis women have been taken as wives in exchange for property (animals, riches, land, etc.).  Women don't have much of a choice in the matter.  Their fathers decide for them.  Now I know this practice was in place for long after this time period, but it gets me thinking about womens' roles in todays society.

Note:  I believe this journal entry may cause some negative uproar in my fellow females, but please keep an open mind and know I understand no two women are alike and that this is just one thought process of mine. :)

I think that women have got to be the most confusing and most indecisive creatures out there.  After years of women before us fighting to get out of the kitchen and into the workplace, we sit today and get upset when men don't want to take care of us.  I have to admitt that I use to be one of those women who wanted a career, wanted to be successful, wanted to be as good if not better then my male counterparts.  Then I would get upset when a man would expect me to take care of myself, whether it be a meal on a date or emotionally or whatever.  It took me a few years of dating to realize that although I don't want my father to pick my husband (however maybe he would do a better job then me at the rate I am going), I do want a man to be my man, to be my rock.  I still believe that in a relationship men and women should be mostly equal, but I think society has made it difficult for girls to grow up as true stong women and boys to grow up to be men.  Us women expect so much from men, yet we don't always allow them to be men.  When I look back on my dating history I would get upset when someone I was trying to date wouldn't step up and be a man, but I recently realized I never allowed them to do what I wanted.  To point out a few things:  I wanted a man to pay for our meal on a date, but I would ask if he wanted me to get my portion.  I wanted a man to initiate communication with me, but instead of giving him time to do so I would initiate the communication.  I wanted a man to come up with date ideas, but I would always suggest things instead of giving him time to voice his ideas.  Why do women do these things?  Are we so sure that we can do anything that we try to be both the man and the woman in the relationship?  Daily I pray and challenge myself to be a woman that will allow the man I will eventually have in my life to be the man I know he can be and the man I want and need in my life as a partner.

Fear, A Motivator

Day 7 - Genesis 29-33

Genesis 32 - Jacob prepares to meet Esau

In this chapter we read about all the things Jacob did to prepare for when he was to meet Esau and the four hundred men that were with Esau.  Not only did Jacob divide his belongings and relatives and servants he also prepared gifts of his possession for his brother in hopes to be looked upon with favor in Esau's eyes.  Jacob did all of this because he was afraid.  What do we do when we are afraid?  Do we make a plan and follow through?  Not very often.  Do we prepare gifts for those we are fearful of?  Not really.  What do we do?  I know what I do... I either avoid the situation completely or I take the taurean route and strike with my horns and hope it all turns out for the best.  Neither is a very good option.  Why do we take either one extreme or the other?  Why don't we search for the middle ground?  The most pleasing route for everyone.  Fear is a huge motivator, but how does it motivate you?  Does it motivate you to do good or bad or nothing?  I pray the next time I am afraid, I allow it to motivate me in a positive way.  The bull horns will have to be put away for that one!

A Christian's Wealth

Day 6 - Genesis 23-28

Genesis 26:12 "Isaac planted crops in that land and the same year reaped a hundredfold, because the Lord blessed him."

Isaac "reaped hundred fold because the Lord blessed him."  I think so many times people feel that Christians should not be wealthy people.  This verse and many like it contradict that notion.  The Lord blesses His followers in many ways.  Love, life, happiness, comfort, etc. Christians have a different set of values so for them to be wealthy does not mean with material things, however.  I got to thinking about this and I wonder if God will not bring unnecessary struggles, including financial to those who have truly given their heart to Him.  For those of us who place more value on the material things do we sometimes end up in a struggle we have created for ourselves?  Credit card debt, second and third mortgage debt, gambling debt, drug and/or alcohol addiction, etc. are these struggles that we have placed upon ourselves because God is not our center?  How many of our struggles could be avoided if we placed God at the center of our hearts and lives?  Now I am not saying a Christian's life is easy peesy, no, I am saying struggles they bring upon themselves may be different and that they are more apt to recognize their struggles as opportunities for growth not only as individuals or families, but as Christians.  It is during these times of struggles they lean on their friends, family, and faith to get through a struggle and come out a better person and a better Christian with a greater love for God, their families, and even themselves.  I need to remember that each and every struggle I have is an opportunity for growth as an individual, Christian, and for my relationship with God and others.  "No problems, only solutions!"

Door #1 or Door #2

Day 5 - Genesis 19-22

Genesis 22 - Abraham Tested

In Genesis 22 Abraham is tested.  That is the title of the chapter "Abraham Tested".  Such a short descriptor for such heavy stuff going on in this chapter.  Abraham's test... sacrifice his son.  And this is just a test.  This was God's way of finding out if Abraham truly feared Him.  My how things have changed.  Today, if someone said God is testing them and they have to sacrifice their son, they would be locked up in a mental ward!  Shoot, most of the visions those in the Bible talk of seeing being the Lord are "lock up" worthy things in this day and age.  That aside, Abraham passes this test because he gets his son to were the sacrifice was suppose to take place, builds an alter, and has Isaac tied to the alter ready for sacrifice.  Wow, talk about fear of the Lord and because Abraham passed this test, instead of Isaac, a bull was sacrificed.  I can't imagine being Abraham with his son on the alter ready to kill his son, heavy.  Now I know we do a lot of things different then they did then.  When was the last time we sacrificed something living on an alter at church?  We don't.  our sacrifices for the Lord are much different now.  Now we sacrifice "things of the world".  We sacrifice our "normalcy".  Ultimately we sacrifice those things we have, enjoy, want, etc that keep us from the Lord.  Those things which give us temporary pleasure for the possibility of eternal joy.  Seems like a no brainer... "Ladies and Gentlemen, behind door #1 we have 30 minutes of pleasure and behind door #2 we have eternal joy!  Which do you choose?"  Again, seems like an obvious choice, but so many times we choose door #1.  Why do we make the eternal sacrifice?  Shouldn't we want eternal joy?  Aren't the statistics saying eternal is way longer and more than 30 minutes?  Yes everything says that we should choose door #2, but because of our instant gratification society, we want the joy and pleasure NOW!  However, it is that instant gratification that is causing so many of us to sacrifice our eternal joy and those wonderful mansions on the streets of gold that are waiting for us for the shacks we have here on earth.

"I wish I had..."

Day 4 - Genesis 15-18

Genesis 18:15 "Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh." But He said, "Yes, you did laugh."

Isn't it interesting what we say and do when we are afraid?  Even though the Lord was in Sarah's presence she still lied because she was afraid.  This takes me back to when i was a kid and my parents caught me red-handed doing something yet I would still say I didn't do it because I was afraid.  Why aren't we fearful of what will happen if we lie, we only think of what will happen if we tell the truth.  Why is it that those consequences always seem so much worse then the consequences of telling a lie?  What good has ever come from a lie, only good comes from truth, but we don't think about that.  And what about the times we lie when the truth needs to be said.  We even lie not because we are afraid of the bad that will happen, but we lie because we are truly afraid of the possible joy and good that could happen.  For example, instead of saying "I love you" we say nothing.  why do we worry so much about not hearing those words back?  What is greater then love and shouldn't it be selfless?  We say that it is, but when we don't say it aren't we being selfish because we are afraid we won't hear it back?  That is not selfless love, that is love with the expectation of love in return.  Why do we risk so much possibility of love and joy because we are afraid we won't hear "I love you" back.  Someone once told me that they couldn't believe that I love so hard and that I don't fear the what if.  It isn't that I don't fear the what if, I fear the having to say "I wish I had..."  there are situations in my pas that I think "I wish I had" and that is far worse of a feeling then any other risk out there.  So I continue to challenge myself to live without the "I wish I had..."

Babel

Day 3 - Genesis 11-14

Genesis 11:8-9 "So the Lord scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city.  That is why it was called Babel because there the Lord confused the language of the whole world.  From there the Lord scattered them over the face of the whole earth."

The land of Babel... aka Stephanie's brain!  So God caused mass confusion by changing languages and He kept them from being able to communicate and therefore kept them from being able to build a city and tower that would reach the heavens.  Sometimes I wonder if God causes mass confusion in my brain.  There are days where I cannot make sense of any thought in my brain.  There are days where I open my mouth and no one (not even myself) understands.  However, I wonder why God didn't want the men to be able to do the impossible?  It is said "through God all things are possible", so were these men not acting for God?  I know that unfortunately I am not always acting for God, could that be why my brain is like Babel at times?  Hmmm... now that is an interesting thought.  I will have to ponder that one.

The Rainbow

Day 2 - Genesis 7-10 & 1 Chronicles 1:5-27

Genesis 9:13 "I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth"

So tonight's reading took me to the verse which explains why I love rainbows and why, if you ever see me look at a rainbow, I will look like a smiling buffoon.  To me a rainbow is a way of God's continual communication with us.  God's way of saying I am still here and I still remember this covenant I made a very very long time ago.  When I think about why God destroyed the earth then, I can only imagine how He feels about His creations now.  In a society where so many "evil" things are just accepted and where cursing in a school is more okay then a child praying before a meal, what must God think of us now and what must He be feeling now.  It must be like when a parent watches their child going an "evil" direction and they can't do anything to help or change it.  But God can, so either He isn't or He is and we are ignoring it or maybe there is something big around the corner that God is planning.  Maybe there is a present day Noah building and "ark" for the next "flush" of all evil.  Until then, I am going to be that smiling buffoon when I see a rainbow!

God's Image

Day 1 - Genesis 1-6 & 1 Chronicles 1:1-4

Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."

We were made in God's image.  Isn't that something to think about.  All of us imperfect humans, made in the image of God.  God, the most perfect.  And what's more, He loves us.  Imperfections and all this God loves us.  I sit and think about all the different ways we (even myself) imagine God.  All the majestic ideas of what/who God is.  Do we ever think to simply look at our family, friends, co-workers, or even the person practically sitting on our lap next to us on an airplane?  If we were made in His image then we should be able to see God all day every day (assuming of course we leave our humble abodes).  The next time you want to see God, don't think you have to climb Mt. Everest (although since He created that too, yes He would be there), but for us less motivated to climb, remember God is in all of us humans.  Yes even that guy next to us in traffic picking his nose, God is there.  I wonder, if everyone looked upon others as they would God, how much hate, violence, cruelty, and other spiritual poisons would there be in this world?  So as I lay my head down tonight, I am reminded that tomorrow at work God's image will surround me and that makes all the obstacles I will face seem a little bit better.

The Adventure

8/18/2010

Recently, I was given the opportunity to have a lot fewer distractions in my life then usual.  At first this seemed to be a negative, but I got to thinking about this and realized it was truly a blessing.  Instead of worrying about where I was going or what I was going to do, I sat back.  I did nothing.  I relaxed.  I played with my cat and dog.  Watched them play.  Watched a lot of TV.  Worked.  Worked.  Worked.  Etc.  Then it hit me one day, "Stephanie work on YOU!"  I realized that although I was happy, i was not equalized.  My triangle was not an equilibrium triangle.  So, I was taken back to my YMCA days and realized that the mission statement, which I had to memorize, was on to something.  I needed to work on all three parts of the triangle mind, body, and spirit.  My mind was definitely worked everyday, but what about a commitment to my body and spirit.  Sure I had my moments of "working out", but never stuck to it.  I had bought "the One Year Bible", but only read two days.  It was time to really get myself equalized.  So I started P90X in the beginning of August.  I would say that was an aggressive move, but I am doing it and actually enjoying it (most of the time).  Today was the day I decided to commit to my spirit.  In order to help I am going to keep this spirit journal to dialog and keep an account of my journey.  My journey of searching... Searching for Stephanie!

In order to help my on this search for Stephanie, I am challenging myself to read the Bible in chronological order in the next 12 months.  Each day I will read a section of the Bible and will identify a verse or verses that spoke to me in one way or the other.  This verse (or verses) will be the motivation for my journal entry.  The biggest challenge will be to take a hard look at myself, challenging myself to be honest and raw with my spirituality and even my emotions.  I invite you to read my journal entries and challenge yourself to do the same.  This adventure will take discipline and dedication, but I am excited for this adventure and hope others may gleam something positive from it!  I pray the Lord will bless this adventure and anyone who chooses to follow my adventure or begin their own.